


We Go Forward

by deluxemycroft



Series: Ouroboros [7]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: A lot of Walking, Alternate Universe, Gen, On the Run, being in close quarters for too long and getting annoyed with each other for no reason, hand wavy explanations, mention of clint and loki's bond, mention of steve/loki, mentions of hydra and past torture, mentions of thor being a real big jerk, switching POV, various safehouses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-31
Updated: 2019-05-31
Packaged: 2020-03-30 22:17:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19036690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deluxemycroft/pseuds/deluxemycroft
Summary: Loki took back.They will run for the rest of their lives, if that is what it takes.





	We Go Forward

**Author's Note:**

> hey folks!!!!! this is the last one-shot i have before i start posting the next Big Fic, which is called 'until the break of dawn'. this takes place after 'to wherever the wind takes me'. not much for me to say here, but this is just a little snippet of the time between the end of on&on and until the break of dawn. i do have to say that this whole series would have to be really confusing without reading any of the prior fics, so please do do that before you read this.

He was tired.

They had been running for nearly five months, constantly having to stay one step ahead of Thor and whatever factions loyal to him. Loki’s safehouses on Earth had nearly all been found, and there were only few safe places left in this world before Loki was probably going to abandon him and leave Earth. Thor had pulled together the full might of Asgard to find them, and coupled with Stark’s vast resources and technology, they were running out of places to run. However Thor had earned Stark’s loyalty, Loki did not know, but they were far more dangerous together.

Loki did not care for the _why_ or the _how_. He would not be anyone else’s ever again, and would do whatever it took to accomplish that.

They were curled up together on a small bed in the only bedroom of the tiny apartment. Bucky’s head was pillowed on Loki’s shoulder, his metal fingers wrapped tight into Loki’s sweatshirt. Loki was staring blankly up at the ceiling, his mind rippling through the various plans and eventualities he was attempting to keep track of. He still did not know how Thor was tracking them; he had not used his seidr in over a month, even dropping his various glamours and leaving behind his accrued Asgardian adornments and finery. He had checked Bucky over carefully, even slipping his seidr into his metal arm and making certain there was no tracking beacon inside of it. 

He had even checked each of his individual pocket dimensions and the items inside to see if something he had been hoarding was what Thor was using. _Nothing._ Same with his clothes, Bucky’s clothes, anything he could think of. He had no bonds to Thor, nothing that the King could tug on and follow. 

The only bonds he had were to his Captain and the shriveled up one to Stephen. He still had not been able to find the bond between he and Clint. He had not traveled his own soul in quite a long time, but he could not imagine that his crippled bond to Stephen would be powerful enough to harness and give them a path. Both Clint and Steve would let Thor kill them before saying anything. Clint was the only one of them who knew anything regardless, and Loki was assured of the archer’s loyalty.

Loki tapped his fingers on the top of Bucky’s head and hummed.

Bucky moved underneath his hand and brought up the fingers of his free hand to grumpily smack Loki away. He stretched, sitting up next to Loki and stretching his arms above his head. “Dinner?”

Loki kept his gaze on the ceiling and frowned a bit. “Check the fridge.”

Bucky smacked his stomach and then frowned, rucking Loki’s shirt up. Loki fought him for a moment and then sunk back into the uncomfortable mattress, waving Bucky away. “Sir...you’re emaciated.”

Yes, he had lost weight, but how could he not? He was rarely hungry, his seidr was riotous and beginning to act against him, his soul was empty...how could he eat? Loki pulled his shirt back down and ran his fingers over his ribs. He turned his head away from Bucky. “Find me something to eat then.”

Bucky grumbled underneath his breath and walked out of the bedroom, kicking something against a wall. Loki pressed his hand to his stomach and then slipped out of bed himself, padding into the tiny living room and curling up on the old couch. Bucky said something in the kitchen but he didn’t hear it, already nodding off. 

A few minutes later, Bucky laid a blanket over the sleeping god, shaking his head. Idiot needed to take better care of himself.

He heated up a plate of bland chicken and rice and picked through it, saving half of it for Loki. He wasn’t hungry often either, but at least he could do a passable imitation of taking care of himself. Two idiots them.

He slid the plate back into the fridge and ducked into the bathroom to take a quick shower, debating with himself for a moment on keeping the door open. He finally shrugged and left it cracked, occasionally pushing back the nasty curtain to peek around to make sure Loki was still asleep on the couch. He rubbed soap into his hair and over his body, frowning down at his limp dick for a moment before shrugging it off and rinsing himself. 

He grabbed the ratty towel hanging behind the door and dried himself, wrapping it around his waist and going back to the the bedroom to dig through his small bag of clothes. He pulled on a fresh pair of underwear and a shirt, and then he pulled on a pair of Loki’s sweats. They had no clean socks left, so he just filled up the bathroom sink and left them to soak. Good enough.

Bucky dropped onto the couch and patted Loki’s bare foot, kicking his feet out and clasping his hands over his stomach. Damn, he was still hungry. He could duck out during the night to run down to the corner store and steal some chips or something. Loki was useful enough but kind of worthless without his magic. 

It was boring, being on the run. Since the Avengers had gone private and non-profit and released some of the HYDRA files, especially some of the ones from the Winter Soldier missions, Bucky had been fairly popular in the media. Some of the news outlets had called him a menace, some of them had latched on to the brainwashing thing and done a fair pass at attempting to absolve him. It didn’t really matter either way. He’d killed all those people regardless of whether or not he’d known what he was doing. When they’d first gone on the run, Loki had talked with him about not being at fault for actions under duress, that sometimes being forced to do something was worse than the alternative, but they hadn’t talked about it in a good while. Loki was more focused on his seidr not poisoning him to death than whatever stuff Bucky was dealing with.

Thor had tried to join the Avengers in their absence, but it seemed that only Stark had been on board with that plan. He was proving to be rather popular with the press, but Bucky had seen some interesting articles and posts about how Loki had saved Earth more than once and it was sure interesting that Thor was claiming him to be a convict on the run, especially given that none of the Avengers, even Stark, would corroborate his story. Bucky had also kept an eye out for Steve in the news, and had been relieved to see that Steve was refusing to talk about Loki or him at all. 

He knew Loki was terrified of Thor. He didn’t know much, but he could guess. He’d known him for almost a year at this point, and had watched him grow into a new person with Steve at his side. God, he was so damn happy for the both of them. He could only imagine what Loki had suffered under the egomaniac king. He’d been there for Loki’s nightmares, been with him for months. He had some idea, but he knew he probably knew just a percentage of a percentage of the whole story. Loki was rather tight-lipped around anyone that wasn’t Steve, after all. 

Bucky was concerned most about Barton. He had a decent grasp on the bond between the archer and Loki, and he knew that Loki believed he couldn’t actually betray him at all, but Bucky didn’t trust that. If the guy’s family was threatened, then he could break. Hell, Bucky had broke under HYDRA and he was a damn sight stronger than Barton. Barton could easily have betrayed them. Loki had absolute faith in him, but Bucky didn’t trust him.

Loki stirred and Bucky nudged his side with this elbow, tugging his coat off Loki. Loki snarled something under his breath and quickly sat up, glancing worriedly around the room before his gaze landed on Bucky and he calmed. “Dinner’s in the fridge,” Bucky told him, and at Loki’s expectant look, he rolled his eyes and hauled himself to his feet, reheating the plate for the god. 

Loki ate half of what was left and then pushed it back towards Bucky, who tried to get him to eat more and then shrugged and ate the rest. Couldn’t let food go to waste, after all.

“Have you remembered any more?” Loki murmured, his voice hoarse. He leaned his back against the arm of the couch and kicked his feet into Bucky’s lap. 

He shook his head. He remembered almost all of the murders he had committed, and had told Loki about most of them. He’d read through the HYDRA files before the Avengers had put them up online, and just knowing what he’d done...it was awful, trying to come to terms with who he was. Just because he hadn’t been in complete control of himself didn’t mean it wasn’t still his hands that had choked the life out of people.

Loki rolled his eyes and tapped his fingers on his thigh. “I have no estimation for the number of code words used for your activation,” he mused, leaning his head back and blinking slowly up at the ceiling. “If you let me into your mind…”

“No,” he replied before Loki could even finish. It was an old argument; neither of them were willing to yield. Loki would risk a few minutes of seidr to tear HYDRA out of Bucky’s mind, and Bucky was steadfastly refusing to let anyone else in his head, especially Loki. He’d seen what Loki had done to Barton, in a past life or otherwise. He wasn’t taking that chance.

Loki waved his hand dismissively and tipped his head down to look down his nose at Bucky, somehow managing to look imperious even though he was all bones and lounging on a couch that wasn’t big enough for either of them. “Pitiful,” he muttered, waving his hand lazily at Bucky before closing his eyes and leaning his head against the arm of the couch. 

“You sleeping out here?” Bucky asked quietly, and Loki yawned, shaking his head, holding his hands out. Bucky rolled his eyes and got to his feet, taking Loki’s hands and yanking the god to his feet. Poisonous green eyes glared at him under long lashes as he pulled Loki to the bedroom, and together, they curled up in the bed, Loki’s head on his shoulder and Bucky’s flesh hand twisted up in Loki’s hair.

He stayed awake for awhile longer, listening intently for any footsteps out in the hall or any sounds of a Quinjet or any thunder in the distance. There seemed to be nothing.

Slowly, quietly, his own eyes fluttered shut. He did not believe in safety, not permanently, but perhaps for the moment, they were secure. Nothing was going to harm them.

* * *

Thor was upon them the next morning. Loki jerked awake and shook Bucky until the soldier jumped out of bed and shoved his clothes and his wet socks and their shared blanket into his bag as Loki ran into the kitchen and grabbed whatever food they had left, throwing the cans and containers at Bucky as he slid out of the bedroom, jamming his feet into his boots.

“Loki!” Thor boomed from outside the apartment, and all the blood drained out of Loki’s face.

“How is he finding us?” Loki hissed, and Bucky shook his head, yanking the window open. Loki slid his arms into Bucky’s jacket and shooed him out of the apartment, glancing around before gritting his teeth and following him. 

“You are called home to Asgard!” Thor boomed. “The council demands you answer for your crimes! Your King, the King of Asgard tells you to come home.” He banged his fist on the door to the apartment and Bucky averted his gaze from the flinch Loki tried to hide. They ducked down the fire escape and Bucky dropped over the railing, Loki just a step behind him.

“What crimes?” Bucky hissed as they darted down the street, both of them rucking their hoods up over their heads. 

“Don’t you wish I knew?” Loki snarled back, darting past him and then pulling Bucky down the next street. He looked simultaneously panicked and furious. “Breaking bonds with a member of the royal house is not a crime. I checked the laws before doing it.”

He couldn’t help his curiosity; he’d always been the inquisitive type. “What’d you do, anyway?” Loki had refused to answer the question beyond some vague nonsense before, so Bucky wasn’t holding out any hope.

Loki rolled his eyes as they slowed to an unsuspicious walk. Bucky shoved his metal hand into the pocket of his hoodie and lifted the strap over his bag over his neck. He looked down and realized Loki wasn’t wearing shoes. Dumbass. “I went against over one thousand years of training,” Loki finally replied, and he glanced around the street names before pulling Bucky down another one. It still wasn’t an answer. They were in some big city called Chicago, and it was starting to get cold out. He could tell that Loki was reaching the last of his reserves, and he hoped to God that the god had once last plan in him. 

Bucky nodded and glanced behind them. It didn’t look like anyone was following them, but he couldn’t be sure.

“You need shoes,” Bucky finally said, after they had been walking in one direction for nearly an hour. They were in a big enough city that no one paid attention to anyone else, but he had noticed that even the homeless people had shoes, and people were bound to notice Loki just still confidently striding over the frigid sidewalk in his bare feet. 

Loki rolled his eyes and he glanced down the street they were on. They were almost out of the city proper, starting to get into apartment housing and short blocks of small houses. He smirked at Bucky. “Perhaps your training would be best for this situation,” he offered up, and Bucky grit his teeth. “Find us an unoccupied home.”

He thought about refusing for about a half block, but his need to protect and help Loki eventually won out. He pushed Loki at a clearly abandoned house across the street and they ran across, slipping through the half-open gate and up the overgrown lawn. All the windows were drawn and the front door was locked tight, but he quickly picked the lock and then pushed Loki inside.

“You’re lucky I like you,” he grumbled as Loki laughed at him and wandered around the house. There were still clothes in the closets and some canned foods in the pantry, which Bucky slid into his bag. Loki found a pair of boots that were bright red and the god had to complain about how ugly they were, but they fit. They also found a few pairs of socks and Bucky grudgingly took a few pairs of underwear that were in one of the dressers. Loki stole a warm coat and slid it on. Bucky made sure to refill all of their water bottles and to grab a few more from the pantry.

They decided against taking any time in the house and slipped out the back door, Bucky staying a few steps behind Loki as they darted back to the main street. They stayed headed in the same direction, walking quickly in silence. Bucky kept a careful eye out, making certain they weren’t being followed.

They walked in silence for a few more hours, finally breaking out of the smaller houses and into more spread out territory with massive mansions and where, in their current state, they surely didn’t belong. 

“Where are we going?” Bucky asked, handing Loki a water bottle. Loki took a few sips and then handed it back. 

He didn’t answer, only tipping his head back to look up at the great expanse of the clear sky.

Alright then. He supposed it didn’t really matter, not in the end. They’d be found anyway. He just hoped to keep Loki safe until then.

* * *

Bucky was fairly ambivalent towards the cold. He remembered the cold being his only reprieve from countless repetitions of the memory suppressing machine, or opening his eyes and everything being too hot and stifling and sticky. His opinions hadn’t counted for much in those days. 

Loki seemed to fare just fine in the cold. He’d ended up giving Bucky the jacket he’d stolen and was strolling down the street with his hands in his pockets, as greasy-haired and pink-cheeked as ever. 

They ended up stopping for the night in the massive back yard of some huge sprawling manor, hidden from the house by a small grove of trees. They didn’t have a can opener, partly because Bucky hadn’t thought of it and partly because Loki just assumed Bucky could open anything with his metal arm. He twisted open a can of beans and handed it and a spoon over to Loki, who gave him a dirty look, but he took it after a minute or so.

He’d been graced with more than a few long rants from Loki about the fortitude of Asgardians and frost giants over the past few months. Loki could go months without food or sleep, and just as long without water. He had patiently listened to Loki’s story about a year on the Isle of Silence, where he hadn’t slept or ate or drank water the entire time. He hadn’t gotten the story of what Loki had done to deserve that imprisonment, but what he had been able to drag out of him was something to do with Thor. He’d been able to extrapolate from there.

The only thing he’d found to really pressure Loki into eating was mentioning that Steve would want him to take care of himself. Loki obviously knew what he was doing but would grudgingly give in. Bucky hadn’t been able to get Loki to talk much about his relationship with Steve, but what he had gotten was that Loki generally regarded Steve as some kind of savior, that Steve had given him the courage to finally pull himself from Thor’s grasp, that he spent a great deal of effort trying to be good enough for Steve. He knew that Loki cared enough for him but that the reason he hadn’t been abandoned thus far was Steve’s affection for Bucky and that Loki knew Steve wouldn’t want him to abandon Bucky in some field or something.

Loki grudgingly ate his half of the can of black beans and then pushed it back at Bucky, who slowly and obligingly ate his part. He could go longer than a regular person without food or sleep, but he didn’t want to push himself until it was absolutely necessary. His main job here was to keep Loki safe, and he couldn’t do that without being at 100%. He owed Loki that much. 

They didn’t start a fire, but they leaned up against each other under the cover of a small grove of trees. Bucky pulled a blanket over them and wrapped his arm around Loki’s shoulders. Loki was asleep against him a few minutes later, and Bucky woke up every few hours, looking out for anyone following them or noticing them. But they stayed quiet and unobserved.

Loki woke up at the break of dawn, jabbing his elbow into Bucky’s side as he looked around their tiny campsite. Loki pulled away from Bucky, which woke the soldier, and he ducked around the tree to go to the bathroom and rub the sleep out of his eyes. He’d slept the entire night and was still tired. Bucky packed away their blanket and the trash, and he followed Loki out of the small grove of trees. 

They turned north.

It was easy to walk behind Loki. He kept the exact same pace as Bucky, moving just fast enough to cover ground but not pushing himself. He didn’t need to rest or eat, only stopping when Bucky told him that they both needed lunch or water. He kept quiet, eyes on the horizon.

It drove Bucky absolutely crazy. He knew Loki was struggling with essentially being hunted by his brother, and being unable to use his magic and being separated from Steve, but he’d grown used to the god’s constant need for attention and unending blather. He didn’t know how to deal with this quiet, contemplative Loki with the scars on his lips and the dark circles under his eyes. At least Loki was consistent with ignoring his questions about where they were going. 

The long walk gave him time to think. 

He was remembering more. He didn’t have his journals anymore, as they’d left them behind when they’d gone on the run, but he thought he remembered almost every person he’d killed. Loki had given him a copy of all the files they’d found detailing his various assassinations, and Bucky was fairly sure he remembered all of them. Or enough of them. From what he’d been able to catch in the news, he’d done some godawful things.

It was still a struggle. Sometimes he wanted to go back into the cold. He knew why he was being hunted, by HYDRA or whoever else—he was a threat. He was absolutely dangerous to anyone around him. Sometimes he woke up in the middle of the night with his metal hand around Loki’s neck, or his hand on the gun he kept on his hip. He was lucky that Loki was more amused by him than he considered Bucky a threat. He was more killer than person. He couldn’t rectify with who he remembered being with what he had done, with who he was now. 

They were in their second full day of walking. Loki had slept nearly ten hours the night before, and Bucky had to shake him awake well after the sun had risen. Loki looked more exhausted than he had before they’d curled up in an empty shed far off the main road for the night. He’d fallen asleep before Bucky had even gotten the chance to offer him dinner, and he’d waved off his offer of breakfast as well. He looked absolutely terrible. Whatever locking away his seidr was doing to him, it was getting worse by the day.

He didn’t know how far they walked, but every mile behind them made Loki look worse. Bucky had tried to get him to stop for an afternoon or even just an early night, but Loki walked until the sun was down and then looked on the verge of collapse while Bucky frantically looked for a safe place. 

Walking was easy. Most of his mental energy went to either taking care of Loki or waving off the few kind people that pulled over to ask if they needed a ride. It was a good reprieve from the constant barrage of his own past that rattled through his mind.

They’d stopped at a gas station off the highway on their fourth day of walking and Bucky pushed Loki into the bathroom. Loki obligingly yanked off his shirt and coat and tipped his head away from his reflection as he angrily wiped his torso down with damp paper towels, Bucky following suit. They looked pretty rough. Loki looked half dead and Bucky looked half crazy.

Loki glared at him and pulled on the clean shirt Bucky handed him. His stomach was nearly concave and his ribs and spine poked painfully through his skin. Bucky ran the tips of his fingers over the jut of Loki’s spine and the god shuddered, turning away from him and covering himself again with an overly large hoodie. 

“How much further?” Bucky asked quietly. It was the first time either of them had spoken in two days. He rubbed at his scruff and pushed his hair behind his ears. “We’ll be out of food soon.”

Loki thought about it for a moment, eyes fluttering shut. Bucky had to repeat his name loudly a few times before he opened his eyes and glared, grumbling out, “Perhaps another week.” He pushed past Bucky and yanked open the bathroom door. “So steal more if you insist on eating.” He made a disgusted face as Bucky rolled his eyes. “I can go many more months without food, and you are enhanced.”

“That doesn’t mean we should punish ourselves,” Bucky hissed back, slinging his bag over his shoulder. “I spent six months hiding in an apartment with you hounding me to take care of myself, and now you’re telling me not to! Just because Thor is pissed at you doesn’t mean I should—”

A strong fist grabbed into his shirt and picked him up off the ground, smashing him into the wall behind him. Loki held him up and snarled into his face, “Every step I take is one step further from any life I have known, any security I have ever had. I spent _centuries_ under his rule. You believe you know what it is to suffer, mortal? You wish to empathize? I will _show you_ empathy.”

Bucky shoved him away before Loki could do anything. “You don’t get to pull that with me,” he spat back. “You _know_ what they did to me. You know what I did. Now buck the fuck up and get back outside.”

Loki snarled at him but complied, throwing the door open and stalking angrily out into the empty parking lot. Bucky ducked inside the gas station and stole a few bags of chips and then, still a bit angry, bought himself a cup of coffee with some change. He went back outside to find Loki sitting in the middle of the parking lot, half asleep.

Bucky swallowed down half the coffee before shaking Loki awake, shoving the cup under his nose. Loki took it and sipped at it, glaring half-heartedly up at him through his greasy hair.

“You said a week left, right?” Bucky queried, and Loki slowly nodded. “It’s safe?”

Loki took a small sip of coffee and grimaced. Probably not enough sugar in it. Bucky helped him to his feet and let Loki lean on him while he regained his balance. “Clint is the only other who knows of it,” he said quietly, and handed the coffee back to Bucky, turning his face north.

“You’ve said that about all the others,” Bucky pointed out, finishing the coffee and trailing behind Loki as the god began to walk. “Thor still found us.”

Loki shook his head. “Yes, but there were humans around the others. Apartments, houses, always have other humans around. This place has been safe for hundreds of years. I am certain that no human has seen it ever since I warded it.”

“Why didn’t we go there first?”

Loki sighed, just a bit. “However he tracks us, I had to know how powerful it was. I still have not found it. If we had run there, Thor would’ve tracked my seidr with ease. That kind of hiding is a last resort, Bucky.” He stopped walking and turned his head back, shaking fingers pushing his hair off his face. “If he comes, we will die there.”

Bucky grabbed Loki’s wrist. “We’re not going to die.”

Loki inclined his head and managed to tug his arm out of Bucky’s grasp. “Of course,” he lied easily, beginning to walk again.

A few hours later, Bucky made them stop for the night. They curled up together in a small abandoned shed with half the roof missing, and Loki shivered against him as he slept, so Bucky pulled his jacked off and wrapped it around the god. The green star on his arm glinted in the moonlight. A few minutes later, Loki curled up a bit tighter to him and they were both asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!!! hope you enjoyed it
> 
> please follow me:  
> tumblr: @deluxemycroft  
> twitter: @whenhedied
> 
> please leave comments and kudos!!


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